Mehn it's really important to pay attention to what people say oh, I just need to blog about what happened to me this evening.
This guy told me he was coming to see me at home right, this was at 4pm ish, i had just gotten out of the shower at the time, wearing absolutely rubbish, hair in a mess, make-up less. He bbm'd me saying: "I'll be there in 15 mins".. tell me why my brain interpreted that to be "I'll be there in an hour"... BIG MISTAKE.
I went to the kitchen, asked the housegirl (let's call her Jay) what i was eating for lunch;
Emosh: Jay, hommie, what's cooking?
Jay: kile fe je? (what do u want to eat?)
Emosh: Anything mehn,, your girl's tummy is talking the hardest right about now
Jay (*wtf did this girl just say face*): eh?
Emosh: Never mind babe, what did u make this afternoon?
Emosh: okay fine, I'll have that
So that's how i went upstairs, balanced myself on the couch in my scary state..
....just me and my amala...
Had completely forgotten anybody was coming... I was too distracted by the fact that this was some good stuff I was eating.. I haven't had amala in like 3, 4 years and I was just realising how much I missed it..
So i had like 3 or 4 forks when I saw my bb light flashing.
I ignored it..
nothing can be more important than my amala right now.. Five minutes later, the light started to annoy me so I checked:
FAAAACKKIN HELL.. i started choking, I'm not even lying, i was choking as I picked race into my room. My mother came out of her room; "Emosh are you okay?".. I didn't even answer her, I just slammed the door..
What kind of disaster is this? I've never multi-tasked like how i multitasked this evening before in my life: brushing my hair as I was jumping into my skinny jeans as I was putting on some make-up, as i was brushing my teeth.. It was a sight to behold..
I took my plate of amala to the kitchen, I instructed Jay to keep it well. I told her that somebody will die if she threw the amala away..
I went outside, (checked myself in the mirror first).. saw my visitor who happens to be a very pretty boy actually so I had to do babe and all
I let him in;
Emosh: Sorry, it took so long, I was talking to my mom (... why are you judging me? what did you want me to say "Sorry it took so long, I was eating amala and i got distracted"????? no thanks)
Mr PrettyBoy: It's okay, no worries
Emosh: Do u want anything to eat or drink?
Mr PrettyBoy: I'll have what you're having
................ ERROR! Now there's no way in hell I'm going to give this boy Amala to eat, what kind of embarassment is that? So that he would tell his friends: "mehn i went to that emosh babe's house, she didn't even say rice or biscuit or anything, it's amala she offered".. My rep.
Emosh: Uhm, I'm not eating, haven't really eaten anything since morining (even me, I'm judging myself at this point, I'm going to church tomorrow, dont worry)
Mr PrettyBoy: Err okay.. a glass of water thanks
Throughout Mr PrettyBoy's visit, I couldn't help but think about my amala, everything he was saying was just going through one ear and coming out the other... THEN the most bastardic thing happened.. Jay walked into the living room..
Jay: "Emosh, Amala te ni kin toju, mo ti fi si microwave" (the amala that u said i should look after, I've put it in the microwave)
BLOOD OF JESUS!! I swear Jay is depriving her poor village of it's idiot.. and I can almost promise she did that shit on purpose..
But that wasn't even the issue now, I had to think fast, as Mr PrettyBoy is a Yoruba boy..so he understood what was going on.. perfectly.
Emosh: Dude, how many times have I told you I don't understand what you're saying
Jay: The amala that you said..
Emosh: Abeg its okay, its okay... no need to repeat yourself.. It was my mommy that told me to tell you to look after it..
Jay: Sugbon mommy so pe.. (but mommy said...)
At this point Mr PrettyBoy pretended to be checking ubertwitter on his phone
Emosh: Jay come, lemme show you something..
And i pulled her out of the room and gave her the blasting of her life.. but that's another chapter entirely..
When Mr PrettyBoy left, i rushed to the kitchen to meet some ant infested plate of amala
It was HIGHLY emotional!!
I've learnt a very huge lesson this night.. There's a huge difference between "15 minutes" and "1 hour". A whole 45 minutes to be exact. Always pay attention to what people say, it saves you some amala stress... I'm going to bed
... It's your girl Emosh..