Wednesday, June 23, 2010

In memory of Bingo

OMG I think Mr Pretty Boy read my 'PAY ATTENTION' post, shit shit shit...How embarrassing is that…
Ok Mr Pretty Boy, if you are reading this, I just want to let you know that I was lying about the whole amala thing… I don’t even like amala like that. It’s not my type of food….. I know you’re not asking but my favourite food is actually Yorkshire pudding…

Anyway, today is the 5th year anniversary of the death of my best friend. Highly emotional day. Bingo was not only my best friend, she was my confidant and my inspiration.. Okay now I'm chatting shit, her name wasn't really Bingo, but for the purpose of this blog, I shall call her that. And if you haven't figured out already, Bingo is a dog.. Really going to miss her..

Some people take the sentence "A dog is man's best friend" a bit too literally! Some time ago back in England, I was on my way to a 12pm class and I was running slightly late.
On my way there, this white guy and his dog were standing on the sidewalk. The dog looked like one of those agbero type dogs and I was walking in their direction. (There was no other route I could take to my destination).
Next thing, I heard the guy say "Should we turn left here Charlie?"..


I thought okay, maybe he's on the phone or something, but I stopped, took a good look at him.. my guy’s hands were in his pockets. He goes "Charlie, you always do this, you're not answering me, do we make a left here???"
But na who dey follow this guy talk though… I looked at the dog, he was sitting down, that’s when he yawned one big yawn that exposed his razor blade type teeth… he now turned his ugly humongous face to look at me.
"Jehovah, Kings of Kings, Lord of Lords, Elshadai, Almighty father" Babes had to start praying mehn, cause this agbero looking dog #wasnotsmiling! The dog stood up and positioned it's body towards me.. At this point, I switched to speaking in tongues.

The guy now goes "Are u okay Charlie, do you want to go back? Is that it?. okay let's go back". Then they started walking towards me.. omo, i respected myself and crossed the main road to the other side, i'd rather let car jam me than this dog bite me.. WORD!
So i started walking on my own, i was so freaking late and I had one of those serious lectures. I put my headphones on and listened to my iPod. Next thing, someone tapped me...
I turned round to see this man and Charlie the agbero dog standing behind me. These guys crossed the road to follow me sha… WTF! "HELP! HELP! HELP! HELP! HELP!" I started screaming as I was walking/running forward. The guy now started begging me to stop screaming.

Guy: Hey hey hey, please stop that, you're upsetting Charlie"
This is why I hate this country
Emosh: I'm upsetting who?
Guy: Charlie, he has feelings too you know, why did you cross the road?
I started walking forward, surely bobo yi ti ya weyrey (this man had run mad). They followed me, Charlie started barking.. This was getting very scary and irrititating.
Emosh: Please take that thing away from me
The guy suddenly jumped and covered Charlie's ears.
Guy: DON’T EVER SAY THAT TO A DOG AGAIN! He is not a thing, he is harmless, an animal just like you and I!
Is it my ears or did this idiot just call me an animal???
Emosh: Me, animal? Your fore-fathers
Guy: what?
Emosh: Look, I do not freaking care about China or Charles or whatever the stupid dog’s name is
And with that I started to run away… By the time I got to class it was 1.30pm. I shall never stop cursing that man… How can one be so psycho to start treating a dog like a human being? And if you are reading this and getting offended, get yourself freaking checked! Because the reality of it is: You. Are. Not. Normal!

I wanted to blog about something entirely different but this occured to me as I'm getting all emosh about Bingo. i have to run now, so many things to sort out, I'll be back though, need to get a few things off my chest.. till then

...It's your girl, Emosh..