Wednesday, July 28, 2010

No. Emosh isn't dead

No Emosh isn't dead.
No Bimpe hasn't gotten to me/ prevented me from blogging, she hasn't even come yet.
No Nepa has not dealt wtih me
Well they have
But that's not why I haven't blogged

But really..
Emosh hasn't updated in like weeks, so sorry about that. I don't know if it's been "writer's block" or if it's cause I've been doing a lot of traveling recently.
But I've experienced A LOT of emotional events in these past few weeks, I don't even know where to start from.

But before I get into all that and before I forget as well, I entered small wahala this evening. I absolutely must share with you..
I have this Aunty.. Aunty Patricia.
Total bitch.
I hate her.
I think she's a witch. She irritates me.
And I know she hates me too, but because she's my dad's friend, she has no choice but to pretend to love me when my dad is around.

So she called the house this evening while I was on my way out. She asked to speak to my dad. Remember when you were a kid, and wouldn’t feel like writing down a phone number and just kinda pretended that you were? That’s what I did.


"Hello. Emosh is that you?"

"Yes. Who's this?"

"Emi? Who's this? You have no respect. The question you should ask is: 'who is speaking please?'. You're very rude"

At this point, I really wanted to drop the phone. I didn't have time for this rubbish.

"Good evening aunty Patricia. I'm sorry I did not know it was you"

"It doesn't matter who it is.. blah blah blah blah blah"..... "Anyway, where is your daddy?"

"He's not at home"

"Okay i need him to call me back, it's very urgent, tell him to call me back on this number, do you have a pen?"

"Please hold on aunty, let me get one"

Omo, this woman's wahala was much and I was in a hurry, i just couldnt be bothered

"Yes aunty"

"Okay it's 08134679306.. or my second number is 08057003005 . Then if he can't get through to any of them, tell him to call me on 4972035.. Did you get all of that?"


"Yes aunty"

"oya read out the numbers to me"



"Are you deaf? I said read the numbers out to me"


"You mean to tell me you did not write down the numbers?"

"I.. uhm.."

"ARE YOU MAD?! I cannot believe this! Is there something wrong with you?... There must be something wrong with you? ARE YOU AN IDIOT?.. Stupid, very stupid girl! Come on, will you go and get a pen before i lose my temper"

if you see the way i picked race eh... I even composed  letter of apology after i dropped the phone and emailed it to her.. because that woman is a witch i tell you! I'm sure she's going to report me to my popsi.. hiss

Anyway, that's that. So yeah, I've been doing a lot of traveling recently and I have to share the last travel experience with you cause of the gravity of trauma that I went through..

My flight was horrific, you know when you travel, you see all these JJC looking guys on the flight and if you're unlucky enough, one of them gets to sit right beside you? That's exactly what happened to me. I was certain this man hadn't been on any form of aircraft in his life.

I was seating on my own at first, if I can remember correctly, I was one of the first people to get on the plane so I was sitting closing my eyes, enjoying the moment. My seat was an aisle seat.. 32 J.. or something.
Before I knew it, I smelt something that caused me to wake up..
.. I opened my eyes, this guy wearing about 3 jackets, 2 scarves and a red "Indomie" cap faced backwards was walking towards my seat.
I started praying.
Attempting to speak in tongues even.
Almighty father, please let this homeboy just walk past my seat... abeg
God must have pitied me for that moment cause he walked by. I let out a sigh of relief and closed my eyes again.

I had gone into dream land when someone tapped me.

"Young lady, you have my seat"

I looked up and almost started choking... not because it was the same JJC guy that walked past me a few minutes ago. No. It was because of the stench that came from his mouth as he said those 6 words. I wanted to die.

"No. I'm pretty sure I don't 'have' your seat"

"See! They wrote it here on my paper..." *shoves ticket into my face* "seat number taty two"

I politely pointed out to him that it was 32 K which meant unfortunately he was seating beside me. My guy no wan gree oh.

"A ni you have my seat. I paid money for this seat.. blah blah blah"

So I called one of the air hostesses to sort things out cause I couldn't be bothered to argue with this guy. after about 10 minutes, he finally agreed to sit down beside me.
I knew it was going to be a long plane ride.
This indomie cap guy made me very very emotional, he kept waking me up to say rubbish and ask me stupid questions..

"You're not watching the feem?"

"the what?"

"the TV entertainment"

but how that one take consign you now...

"Nah, i'm straight thanks"

"Eeh, you'll hep me and put on my own, because it's like it's not working"

This went on all through the night, all sort of stupid questions and requests... I felt sorry for him after a while. We shouldn't really make fun of the illiterate because we are fortunate enough to be able to read and write (if you can read this, good news, you are literate.. congrats).
So my guilty conscience won't let me continue but I just hope none of you ever experience what I did.. and if you have, do share...

One more thing I want to talk about.. one of my followers on twitter, but I would leave this for the next post cause it's kind of long and I'm getting bored of my own typing.. so please stay tuned...
Once again it's been something like emotional

..It's your girl, Emosh...


  1. yay!!!im so glad that you're back.

  2. lmaooo!! I smelt the man's breath when i read that. Oh chale i can cry

  3. Errrrr.....Knock Knock!!

  4. Really funny story with your Aunt Patricia. The part about her busting you really got me cracking up.

    I love your blog. You really should write more often.

    Taciturn Turned Talkative

  5. its so annoying talking to some weird pple during a flight, but i always try to, coz i get to feel guilty later. its a nice thing u did'nt burst out.......