Saturday, July 10, 2010

Rude Awakenings

Wow, Emosh has gotten a lot of love over the past few days, thanks guys! Now you're making her all shy and shit.
Nawa oh.

Anyway I haven't blogged in a bit, i apologize, been going through a suicidal phase. It's like ever since I started this blog, everyday has really been something like emotional. Curse perhaps??

My very lovely mother (refer to my last post) woke me up at 6.16am this morning to tell me that in a few weeks my cousin from Ibadan would be coming to stay with us and so "when I wake up", I should go out and buy her a present.

Two things popped into my head as she said this;

1. Is there a particlar reason why this information must be relayed to me at 6 freaking am in the morning?

2. What does "when I wake up" mean? I mean if you barge into someone's room and shout their name repeatedly then proceed to walk over and nudge them violently, NEWS FLASH, the person becomes kind of awake already.

But this is besides the point.. Since I'm being all anonymous here, I'm going to call this Ibadan cousin of mine 'Bimpe'. She's about my age. The last time she came, she spent a whole week and It was one of the most emotional weeks of my life.

 I remember the first night she arrived, she had to sleep in my room, I didn't mind, I mean I have friends who sleep over all the time. No wahala.

At about 3am, i started hearing noises. I ignored them, this is Lagos, there's always noise everywhere..
A few minutes later, i realised that these were not ordinary noises, oh no, someone in this room was laughing and it definitely wasn't me. I turned to look at Bimpe to see her smiling and giggling... in her sleep!
Omo.. if u see the way fear grip me...
I thought okay maybe she's having a funny dream, it happens right? Nah mehn, this babe just dey laugh dey go sha..
My mind started to race, I've never called Jesus's name so many times in my life
I decided to wake her up. I couldn't take it anymore.

I cleared my throat..."uhm..Bimpe.."



I tapped her, "Bimpe, please wake up"

She turned over to the other side and the laughing stopped. I was very relieved, i started to ask myself if I laughed like this in my sleep too. Also, when I go to my future boyfriend/husband's house, is this how i would be embarrassing myself?
This should be my next prayer point... I had started to drift off in my thoughts. Next thing..


Chineke. This girl don kolo for real. I respected myself, got up and quietly walked to my brother's room and slept there. Eh? What kind of madness is that? Lai lai, i won't be a part of it.

The next day, when we were having breakfast, she came down to ask me why I left the room, I gave her some flimsy excuse about how the room was too cold. She didn't buy it, she said she said she was sorry that she tends to sleep talk alot and she's sorry if I got scared.
I started feeling bad..but that shit was scary yo. Bimpe if u ever come across this blog, abeg no try am again. Haba. There should be some sort of cure for that type of thing. Word

The next couple of nights were sort of the same thing, after a while I got used to it, I even started replying her sef. Sometimes she would ask a random question in her sleep and I'll answer.. just to make her comfortable.
One particular morning before she left, her phone alarm went off at 6am.
She immediately got up and left the room.
I was very confused... Is she sleep walking now or something? Nawa oh. I left her.
5 minutes, 10 minutes, 30 minutes later, she still wasn't back...
I was very irritated, where the hell did this babe go now? She couldn't have gone to the toilet cause my toilet is in my room. I reluctantly got off my bed and went to look for her.

You would not believe what this girl was doing.

She was sitting down on the floor watching big brother "shower hour" on television. I'm not even lying to you.

My homegirl actually took time out to set her alarm clock for 6am so that she can watch naked people bathing. She might have as well asked me for my laptop so that she can watch porn or something. I could tell she was very embarrassed when she saw me so I didn't even ask her any question. I went back to sleep.

These are just a few of the random memories I have of Bimpe, but the most amazing thing about her is her accent. i cant explain it. I remember she was around when I was expecting my results a few summers ago and she kept on asking "are you navos?".. "don't be navos, God is with you". (Navos = Nervous, just incase you're wondering)...
Then words like "first" were pronounced as "fust".
Or "bird" pronounced as "board"..

Okay I'm starting to feel bad now, God forgive me. But somehow, I can't wait for Bimpe to come again, never a dull moment when she's around. I don't know what present to get for her though? Suggestions anyone??

P.S I don't know if anyone is following the 30 something year old guy story.. but guess what?
He read my last post.
Apparently someone put two and two together and showed him my post, but you people sef, nawa for you oh. One can't give you gist in confidence.. hisss
Anyway he confronted me about it and then unfollowed me on twitter. ooooooh, touchy! He didn't even say let me delete her off my bb. He decided to unfollow me. Pathetic much?
Next time don't go around denying your wife and kid and chasing small girls. Not that i'm a small girl or anything, but you get my point.

My hand is paining me.

.. It's your girl, Emosh ...


  1. You never EVER fail to crack me up Emosh
    I don't know who you are but I think I love you.
    Reveal your idenitity please?

  2. Hahahaha alarm for BB Shower hour? Thats deep yo!

    Just be sure to tell us more stories when she comes over..thanx :)

  3. lol@bimpe.sometimes when i remember something in my sleep i laugh and whenever i go back to nigeria and spend the night in my parents room, i burst into laughter once in a while just to scare quite funny to watch the reactions on their faces when they wake you violently.lmao.

  4. he is a loser jare. u delete him from ur bb. hissss. loser. oohh i wish i had cousins my age range, instead im a huge baby sitter.:(

  5. The fact that you started to converse with stop laughing!
    i love this blog *wipes tear*

  6. Ahn ahn Emosh! No post since the 10th of July. No light? Or did Bimpe get to you? Hehe!

    New post jo.:)